Guest Article from Josh the Movie Squabbler

To follow on from Josh’s review of the Special Mentions and Obscure Gems for 2014, and the 10 Best Movies of 2014 we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel and the Movie Squabbler is reviewing the 5 Worst Movies of 2014.

5 WORST MOVIES OF 2014

5. Transcendence

Another terrible Johnny Depp movie, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. He hasn’t been good in anything since the first Pirates movie and barely shows up unless he’s doused in makeup. This one actually has an ambitious sci-fi premise based on Artificial Intelligence and how it could go terribly wrong.

Unfortunately, it’s the plot and plausibility that goes totally wrong. Wasted is a strong supporting cast of Rebecca Hall, Paul Bettany and Morgan Freeman. They all deserve better.

4. Sex Tape

From the director and stars of the very underwhelming Bad Teacher, we now have Sex Tape, an equally disappointing endeavor.  It’s a great concept executed with a shocking amount of lifeless, tame comedy – a bored married couple makes a private sex tape that gets shared with their friends and colleagues that they have to get back before it’s discovered.

Great logline, bad movie. Stars Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel are both good comedic actors who are willing to embarrass themselves and they do just that by starring in this limp script.

3. Noah

If you like your biblical stories with CGI tree monsters and a hero who wants to kill his own grandchildren, Noah might just be for you. Otherwise, it’s a pretty big disappointment. While Russell Crowe does his best to bring his movie star gravitas to the lead role, talented director Darren Aaronofsky seems totally wrong for this movie which is likely to offend pretty much all audiences.

2. Under the Skin

A totally unwatchable sci-fi meditation with barely a plot or a word spoken. The only interest from people will be the possibility of some Scarlett Johannson skin. Trust me, it’s not worth it. She plays a mysterious, barely verbal woman in Scotland who randomly seduces men and lures them into some weird, dreamy underworld. I think she’s an alien or something but I fell asleep way too early to tell.

1. Tammy

Ugh, this movie was unbearable and is an easy front runner for worst movie of the year. Melissa McCarthy stars as a loser fast food worker who goes on a road trip with her drunken grandmother played by Susan Sarandon.

I can’t even remember why they leave or where they are heading. It is painfully unfunny with everyone trying way too hard to make something funny out of nothing. I would challenge you to make it through the whole movie, it’s a grueling exercise.

Well Josh.. thanks for this year’s roundup. I have to say that I enjoyed Noah… and I question your judgement on that one. But you’ve redeemed yourself by putting TAMMY on the bottom on the list … movies like these are just a waste of time, money and effort … and what an earth was Susan Sarandon thinking!